Difference between revisions of "Rag Mag Jokes"
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| + | Q: What's green and wears boots?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Grass. I lied about the boots<br /> | ||
| + | < /br> | ||
| + | Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?<br /> | ||
| + | A: A nun with a spear through her head<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Doug<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Douglas<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Bob<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Russel<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What's the height of pain?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What's the height of cheek?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What's the height of cheek?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?<br /> | ||
| + | Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?<br /> | ||
| + | A: A baby eating razor blades<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?<br /> | ||
| + | A: A newspaper<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Friends<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Porridge<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Take your foot off his head<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Two in the front and two in the back<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Four footprints in the butter<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?<br /> | ||
| + | A: Eight footprints in the butter<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?<br /> | ||
| + | A: There's a mini parked on the driveway<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
| + | Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?<br /> | ||
| + | A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest<br /> | ||
| + | <br /> | ||
===Jokes=== | ===Jokes=== | ||
| − | * Q: What's green and wears boots?< / | + | * Q: What's green and wears boots?<br /> |
| − | * A: Grass. I lied about the boots< / | + | * A: Grass. I lied about the boots<br /> |
< /br> | < /br> | ||
| − | Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?</ | + | Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?<br /> |
| − | A: A nun with a spear through her head</ | + | A: A nun with a spear through her head<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?</ | + | Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?<br /> |
| − | A: Doug</ | + | A: Doug<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?</ | + | Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?<br /> |
| − | A: Douglas</ | + | A: Douglas<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?</ | + | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?<br /> |
| − | A: Bob</ | + | A: Bob<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?</ | + | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?<br /> |
| − | A: Russel</ | + | A: Russel<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What's the height of pain?</ | + | Q: What's the height of pain?<br /> |
| − | A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes</ | + | A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What's the height of cheek?</ | + | Q: What's the height of cheek?<br /> |
| − | A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went</ | + | A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What's the height of cheek?</ | + | Q: What's the height of cheek?<br /> |
| − | A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper</ | + | A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?</ | + | Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?<br /> |
| − | Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark</ | + | Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?</ | + | Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?<br /> |
| − | A: A baby eating razor blades</ | + | A: A baby eating razor blades<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?</ | + | Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?<br /> |
| − | A: A newspaper</ | + | A: A newspaper<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?</ | + | Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?<br /> |
| − | A: Friends</ | + | A: Friends<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?</ | + | Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?<br /> |
| − | A: Porridge</ | + | A: Porridge<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?</ | + | Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?<br /> |
| − | A: Take your foot off his head</ | + | A: Take your foot off his head<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?</ | + | Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?<br /> |
| − | A: Two in the front and two in the back</ | + | A: Two in the front and two in the back<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?</ | + | Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?<br /> |
| − | A: Four footprints in the butter</ | + | A: Four footprints in the butter<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?</ | + | Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?<br /> |
| − | A: Eight footprints in the butter</ | + | A: Eight footprints in the butter<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?</ | + | Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?<br /> |
| − | A: There's a mini parked on the driveway</ | + | A: There's a mini parked on the driveway<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?</ | + | Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?</ | + | Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
| − | Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?</ | + | Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?<br /> |
| − | A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest</ | + | A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest<br /> |
| − | </ | + | <br /> |
Revision as of 23:33, 13 March 2015
Q: What's green and wears boots?
A: Grass. I lied about the boots
< /br>
Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A nun with a spear through her head
Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug
Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
A: Douglas
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?
A: Bob
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel
Q: What's the height of pain?
A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes
Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went
Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper
Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?
Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark
Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?
A: A baby eating razor blades
Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?
A: A newspaper
Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?
A: Friends
Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?
A: Porridge
Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head
Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
A: Two in the front and two in the back
Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: Four footprints in the butter
Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?
A: Eight footprints in the butter
Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's a mini parked on the driveway
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?
A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest
Jokes
- Q: What's green and wears boots?
- A: Grass. I lied about the boots
< /br>
Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A nun with a spear through her head
Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug
Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
A: Douglas
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?
A: Bob
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel
Q: What's the height of pain?
A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes
Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went
Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper
Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?
Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark
Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?
A: A baby eating razor blades
Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?
A: A newspaper
Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?
A: Friends
Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?
A: Porridge
Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head
Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
A: Two in the front and two in the back
Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: Four footprints in the butter
Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?
A: Eight footprints in the butter
Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's a mini parked on the driveway
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?
A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest
